so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
