hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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