the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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