i can't believe i had my finger in that
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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