if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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