in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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