Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
