im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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