having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
