Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
