She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
