i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize