I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
