I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
