You can't motorboat a personality
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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