My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
