Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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