So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
