I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Randomize
