the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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