I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
