You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
