dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
