My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
