Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
