Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
