Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
