Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize