it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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