I think i peed on brittanys purse
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
