We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
