The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
