I got chris browned last night
well you can't waste a boner
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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