I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
