So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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