he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
