Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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