There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Do vagina's smell?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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