So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
