Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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