If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Less talking, more tequila
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
