Fuck appropriateness.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
