Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
