omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
