How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
accomplished twins. life is a go
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
