And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
