break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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