About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
