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Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
