I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
