one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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