I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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