Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
