I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize