They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Randomize
