he was CRYING into my vagina
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
