Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
