there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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