why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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