Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
