No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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