woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
