when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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