it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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