out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I have tasted many bathrooms
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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