ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
