We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
