pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
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