I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
