I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize