I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
