we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
