normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
