those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
