I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
