is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
