my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I cut my penus on the lid.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
