I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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