My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
