So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
