i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
