yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
