im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
