The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
