I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
