bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
