I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize