I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
