So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
