Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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