i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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