Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
