this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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