I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
